Before We Part
by onemomentwithyou
Summary: Doctor Maura Isles is a sophisticated, put-together, intelligent woman. Under her designer blouses and pencil skirts, lies something dark and burried; her past. Detective Jane Rizzoli is the only person in which Maura trusts with her past, and even then she has stipulations. When the two come face to face with the object of Maura's past, what will Jane say? What will she do?
1. Pologue: No More Hiding

**Prologue**

_Just another day, Maura, just one sunrise and one sunset and then it's over._ This case has been especially hard for me. Not only is the victim a young woman, her semi-aborted fetus is also a victim…on many counts. I remember walking to the scene with Jane and the excitement of a new case; of someone else's story to tell. In a nanosecond, the excitement vanished for me.

Her story is so similar to mine. I won't be able to hide behind her corpse, like I would any other, because the skeletons in my closet are far too comparable to hers. _Maura, don't be ridiculous. There aren't any legitimate skeletons in your closet. The probability of finding any such thing is preposterous. _I entertain myself with my thoughts so I don't have to think of the intimate connection I share with this case. 

I start reciting the facts I _can_ prove: Female, age 16 and 3 months, her name is Sofia Meredith Jenson. Her family is on their way from California to identify her body. She was an honor student at Saint James of Catholicism Boarding School here in Boston. Cause of death: exsanguination from deep laceration to the abdomen. Fetus is likely in the second trimester -_I will find out who did this to you. _I silently promise this woman and her slightly developed fetus.

Before I have time to catch the tears, they start falling from my cheeks. I wish I knew how to adequately ask for help. I have never had to ask for help, but I may not be able to get through this autopsy without some form of support.

I hear the elevator descending down to the lab. The only person I want to see walk out of that elevator is Jane. She'll know how to comfort me, she always does_. Stop it Maura, you can't rely on others to relieve your personal problems._

I turn my back to the door, so as to prolong my chances of maintaining an ounce of dignity. I sniffle and wipe the tears off of my cheeks with the back of my hand. I pretend to be busy extracting Sofia Jenson's lungs, even though I completed that over an hour ago.

"Find out anything revealing yet? Her parents have called at least 10 times in the past hour." Jane's voice bounces off the sterile walls of the lab. I look up and shake my head, afraid my vocal cords will deceive the façade I'm hiding behind. "Not particularly. The DNA tests haven't come back yet. Have you detected anything abnormal yet?" I reply with a slightly airy tone.

Jane narrows her eyes at me. _Shoot, I can never fool Jane Rizzoli. _"Spill it, Maura. What's going on?" I shake my head at her. There are just some things I'm not ready to disclose about myself. My eyes sting with tears. The slight contraction of my Frontalis and Procerus muscles give me away. _Damn me and my physiological inability to camouflage my emotions._

Jane walks over to the operating table and rests a hand on back. "This case is hard for me too, Maur, but I can't help you when I don't know what's wrong." Just that little bit of physical contact, sends me over the edge. I can no longer hold the tears in.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about it, Jane." My chest constricts and I start heaving. I don't even have to look up at her, because I know Jane is wide-eyed and searching for any sign of what has disturbed me. I take off my clothes protector, gloves and surgical face mask, defeated.

"I don't want you to judge me, Jane. You're my best friend and I don't want my past to ruin our relationship." My eyes wonder the room, looking anywhere but at Jane. She walks up and grabs hold of both of my hands, clenching them. I finally look up, mascara running down my face and onto my new blouse.

"There isn't a thing you could tell me that would make me run for the hills. You're my best friend too, Maura, and you're really worrying me. Just tell me." Her earnest eyes tell me that she's sincere. _Okay, I trust her. I will tell her, but not here. _

"I trust you and your judgment, Jane, but I don't want to tell you here. Not in this way. It's not something to discuss in loose company." I try to make sense as best as I can. She nods, "Of course. Come over tonight. I'll pick up some take-out for us and we can talk then, okay?"

I curl up the corners of my mouth in an attempt to fein a smile. "Okay" is all I can manage. She plants a kiss on the crown of my head and hugs me from the side. "It's gonna be alright. I'm here if you need me…like always." She looks at me once more and exits the room, clearly at a loss of something to say.

_I haven't really prepared a speech for this._ I need to collect my thoughts and form them into a coherent storyline. This is the part I've tried to shy away from; reliving those moments again. My mind wonders as I suture up my patient's "y" incision. _Say her name._ I chide myself indignantly. _You can't even say the poor woman's name?_

I wish I could turn my mind off, just this once. _There isn't a switch, Maura. Don't be idiotic. _The time has come to think about it. I can't pretend like this hasn't happened. Not any longer. I sigh and make my way to my ornately decorated office, closing the door behind me. I'm left alone with my past. Not even the dead can shield me now.


	2. Testimony

**Chapter 1**

I knock on Jane's apartment door. Anxious, I check my pocket for the package of travel tissues I remembered to bring. I hear the creaking of movement and hurried footsteps, a millisecond later Jane unlocks the door. "Hey there" She says easily and invites me in.

A surge of adrenaline courses through my body. _Calm down, you trust her._ Jane had already taken it upon herself to order us Chinese take-out. _How thoughtful…and sweet._

I masterfully walk across the living room and into the kitchen to lay my things on the counter. I know her apartment like the back of my hand. Jane stands awkwardly by the couch, waiting for my lead_. I just want to get this over and done with._

"Before I tell you this crucial, agonizing moment of my past, I have a couple stipulations you'll need to agree to." I feel like I'm free-falling into an infinite black hole. I mentally note the adrenaline-induced quickening of my heartbeat. "Maura, this isn't some business deal. I care about you and your past. Nothing is gonna change that." She looks slightly offended that I'm being reserved about this.

My eyes narrow, scrutinizing her. "I'm serious!" She continues, "I'm a vault. You can tell me anything." Her hands find mine, telling me I'm not alone. "Just don't judge me, okay?" I brace myself. "I promise." She nods her head, signaling for me to continue.

"I was fifteen attending school at Wexor Hayes Collegio for Girls. I didn't have any friends and I needed to study for an upcoming exam in my Anatomy and Physiology class. My favorite place to study was at the Café Le Paon two blocks from Wexor Hayes. I had been there multiple times to study in the warm Parisian sunlight." I begin slowly, guarded.

"So, you liked hanging out in Paris in the sunlight at a café, alright. Who wouldn't? I know that isn't what's eating at you, Maura." Jane is so simple about everything. _You can't blame her, Maura. You haven't told her anything yet. _I start fidgeting with my fingers; pulling on each Distal Phalanx segment of each finger.

"I went to go study at the Café and there happened to be a new waiter. He was charming and gorgeous and intelligent. We discussed Astronomical phenomena and he helped me study for my exam when his shift ended that night." "So, in other words, you like his bone structure." Jane cocks an eyebrow, knowing she is absolutely right. I grimace at her accuracy.

"I was intrigued by his wealth of knowledge. I told him his white brain mass must have resembled a jigsaw puzzle. He laughed at my joke, which was refreshing and alluring. He understood me in a way I had yet to discover. We discussed life and reasoning, the universe and time and I fell in love with him. He was the first person I had ever truly connected with on an intimate level." I pause again for emphasis and because I'm not accustomed to entrusting anyone with such emotional material.

Jane is watching me intently, waiting for the bombshell to explode- waiting for anything. "We had been dating for a couple months, but it was mainly casual. We had only kissed a handful of times. When we were together, rare as it was, we would mostly talk and debate theories each of us had. It was wonderful just to have someone to enjoy. My birthday was coming up and he asked me if he could take me out for dinner. I had to get permission from the Dean at Wexor Hayes for an extension of the nightly curfew. He agreed to my proposal because of my exceptional grades, attendance and citizenship. It was unheard of for a student under seventeen years of age to be granted permission to be late for curfew. The French are very strict."

_If only Monsieur Senechal had denied my permission to go…maybe my fate would have been different._ "He waited for me in front of the entrance to Wexor Hayes. I was so excited to be with him. I had spent a considerable amount of time preparing for tonight. He took me to Au Soleil Resto complete with a beautiful view of the Eiffel tower. He had champagne brought to the table and ordered us both pâté de foie gras, otherwise known as fattened goose liver- Extremely delicious and very expensive."

"Maura, I know what pâté is. Continue, please, I want to know what's got you so revved up about the fetus case." The thought of the case brings a wave of nausea over me. _I can't do this._ I shake my head, ready to give in to my fear. Cortisol is coursing through my veins, causing my blood pressure to rise further. _Don't cry, at least not yet. Keep your composure, Maura._

"Okay, my mouth is shut. I won't interrupt again, promise." She holds up her arms in a symbolic "truce" fashion. I grit my teeth, which will likely compromise my dental heath, and decide to finish what I've started. _Good air in, bad air out._

I nod in response and continue, "After a romantic dinner, he suggests we take a stroll by the Seine River. He commented on the beautiful night and I couldn't resist being alone with him. We wondered to the River bank and settled against each other in the sand. We sat there for a few minutes wrapped in a tight embrace. I wasn't ready. He wanted to have intercourse, but I told him I wasn't ready. He got angry, violent even. I should have yelled for help but it happened so fast. He was raping me and I couldn't fight back. I wasn't strong enough."

I have to stop and breathe. Jane's face is hard, her lips set in a deep line, her eyebrows furrowed. She grips my hand again, reassuring me. I take notice of my stuffy nose and irritated eyes.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and start again, "I woke up face-down in moist sand. The river's current speeding past my ears, flooding them with a 'whooshing' sound. He left me there, lying on the river bank. I tried to stand up- to put myself back together, but it hurt too much. I counted to 30 and tried again, bracing myself for the pain. The seam connecting the straps to the body of my dress was ripped, irreparable. The second I stood up, I fell back down onto the sandy shore. I cried most of the night, not bothering to silence my loud sobs. When dawn broke, I went back to Wexon Hayes and back to my dormitory. It took me more than an hour to walk because of the excruciating pain I was in. He left me in a horrible state. Had it not been for my medical abilities, even at age fifteen, I would have had to have been admitted somewhere."

My breathing is uneven and shaky. Not even I want to evaluate my current mental state at the moment. I just want to finish my story so Jane will understand. _And then I want to go home and drink the memory away._ _I want to run away._

"Maura, I'm so sorry…I-" I hold up a hand, "There's more." I say sulkily. "I began getting really sick and my moods were all over the place. I thought maybe I was experiencing PTSD, so I tried writing my feelings in a journal to help with my psychological wellbeing. Then I started gaining weight. I knew then what I had to do. I bought three of the most expensive pregnancy tests, just in case there was a problem with the first two. All three came back positive, so I set out to find the father. I wanted him to know."

_Okay, Maura, you can do this._ Jane has tears rolling down her cheeks. She doesn't heave or quiver; she just silently cries and listens to my memories. _I am so lucky to have her as a best friend._

"Some hours later, I find him at the Café and tell him about the baby. He turned pale and told me to wait at the counter and that he was going to leave work immediately. He came back moments later and pulled me out of the Café by the crook of my arm, like he was reprimanding a child. I was humiliated. He made it very clear that I was going to undergo an abortion procedure. I was not to have this baby. He didn't love me. He made it very clear that I was alone and worthless and disgusting. The sad part is I honestly believed his accusations. He threatened my life, my family's lives, everything I held on to. I was scared of him."

"No, Maura, you didn't…" Jane takes a deep breath, indication of her surprise. "I felt I had no other choice. He had raped me, why would I think he wouldn't kill me? I was 9 and a half weeks along. I was fifteen, what was I supposed to do with an infant? I loved the baby already. I know it sounds foolish, but I did. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I took the life of my child, Jane. I ended the life of an innocent so that I, the guilty, could live. What kind of person am I?"

I bury my head in my hands and immediately feel Jane's comforting hand making circles on my back. "I'm such an awful person! How could I kill my own child? Jane, how could I?" I'm barely audible. "Shhh, Maura, everything will be okay. You're not an awful person, okay?" Her voice is huskier than normal, probably due to her blocked nasal cavities. I break down further into body-racking sobs.

"Whoa, hey, Maura, look at me." Jane pats my back now. I look up at her through watery eyes. "Maura, listen to me. You are a good person. No, actually, you're a great person. You're the best person I know. You are kind and generous and ridiculously smart. That guy was a jackass and if I ever cross paths with him, I will torture the living shit out of him. He deserves to rot. I'm so, so sorry, Maura. You didn't deserve that, no one deserves that. I'm here for you, okay? Any time at all; ever. I don't care what the circumstances are, Maura, I'm here." Her eyes are blazing, despite the tears.

"Thank you," is all I can manage to say in response. She wraps her arms around me and holds me while I cry. I feel the weight of my secret life lifted off of my shoulders. _Metaphorically, of course- but I do feel better. I suppose that could be from the release of all of my pent up cortisol hormones. _

"I'm here, I'm here. Shhh, Maura, it's gonna be okay. I'm here." Jane's voice is soft and comforting. She has no idea how much her friendship means to me. I would be beside myself if not for her. She's saved my life on more than one occasion and she never fails to be there for me.

I close my eyes and start drifting off to the sound of her repetitive soothing affirmations. _I'm finally safe._

**Hey guys! Let me know what you think so far. I'm already working on Chapter 2, so it should be up soon! Feedback is my favorite part! Let me know if you have an idea or if you want to see something specific happen. Can't wait to hear what you guys think!**


	3. Results

**Chapter 2**

I don't remember falling asleep, but I suppose my subconscious mind isn't keen on crying until the point of exhaustion. A faint glow of light is peeking from the blinds and I realize where I am. _Jane's apartment. _I move to sit up, but I feel pressure against my torso. _Jane must have fallen asleep, still holding me. Protecting me. _I pause and slowly work on turning counter clockwise so that I'm lying flat on my back.

"Maura?" Jane's voice startles me and I snap into a sitting position.

"I'm sorry. I was trying not to wake you." I defend myself, throwing steep walls up. I'm suddenly embarrassed about breaking down in Jane's company last night.

She yawns and rubs her eyes sleepily. "It's fine, chill out. You didn't move at all while you slept, it was creepy. I actually checked your pulse a few times last night. How are you feeling?" I never thought of Jane to be an easy-riser. In fact, I can deduce from previous sleepovers that she is most certainly not a morning person.

I narrow my eyes at her, suspicious. "I'm fine. I should probably be getting home. I have some…things I need to attend to." I feel rude for leaving so abruptly after she spent the night watching over me, but recent events leave me guarded. _I want to be alone._

"Maura, it's like 5 in the morning. At least wait for the sun to rise so I don't have to worry about you making it home. I'll make some coffee." Jane pushes up off of the couch weakly. Her delayed muscle function worries me. She's usually very sturdy. It's doubtful that she got more than 3 full hours of sleep last night. I follow her to the kitchen.

"No, you should rest. I'll be fine, Jane. I am a fully functioning adult. I think I can drive to my house without any assistance. Thank you though." I shy away from her gaze, afraid I've hurt her feelings.

"You sure you're gonna be alright?" She seems indifferent, and thankfully, not offended.

I nod my head and grab my things off of the kitchen counter. "Call me if things change, okay? Hang in there, everything will be alright." She opens the front door and I eye her with deep gratitude.

I hug her tight, "Thank you, Jane, for everything."

I really am very tired. I should try to sleep a while before I have to get ready for the day, but I can't calm myself enough for my body to release even a drop of Melatonin. I can't help but fear the worst and it keeps my mind ablaze with thoughts. "What-if" scenarios cloud my normally agile brain function and spin everything into a horrible, clumpy mess.

I pull into my garage, and kill the engine. The garage door slides slowly back down into place, separating me from the rest of the world. I remain in my car, seatbelt still fastened, hands planted firmly on the steering wheel. _For someone with a PhD, I'm really very stupid. Why do you push everyone out? What is so wrong with someone taking care of you?_ I mentally chide myself.

_Jane deserves a friend better than me. _I unbuckle my seatbelt and ease out of my car, slamming the door shut in frustration. I go to unlock the door, but find that I must have forgotten to lock up last night. _I usually never forget anything._ This raises a red flag, but my curiosity wins over. I open the garage door again, just to be safe. Gingerly, I open the door, expecting the worst.

Nothing is amiss. Everything is in its perfect place, down to the throw blanket I lazily left in a ball on the couch. Confident, I stride through the door, past the living room and into the kitchen. _What is that. No, that cannot be what I think it is. How? No. I will not entertain the thought._

Placed on the counter in plain view is a beautifully prepared meal. I take a closer look, confirming my fears. _That is a liver. A fattened goose liver!_ _Pâté Foie Gras. _My confidence evaporates and I run, terrified, out of my house and back to my car.

I start driving to Jane's but think better of it. _She has enough to deal with. _The sun has risen, so I decide to head to work. I remember that I have an emergency outfit stowed away in my desk. I suppose I could shower in the locker room. _Public showers are disgusting. Maura! Stop fighting yourself on everything. _

I walk into the building and directly to the café for a coffee. I suddenly become self-conscious. The thought hadn't crossed my mind. _I must look awful._

"What are you doing here so early?" Jane is behind me and I jump, flinging coffee everywhere. "Whoa! We're a bit jumpy today. Damn it, Maura." I spin around, coffee dripping from my arm. I even managed to splatter some onto Jane. _Great, I'm the worst._

I exhale deeply. My hypothalamus and adrenal-cortical system have a fabulous relationship. _Fear sucks!_ "Jane, I'm sorry!" I grab a handful of napkins and start dabbing at her blouse and blazer. She wipes off the sprinkles on her face.

She looks at her stained white collar. "Aw, come on." I blush, afraid she'll catch me in a lie. _Not a lie, Maura. You are just keeping it from her. Oh, okay because that constitutes as something better._

"Is this your way of telling me that I need to bathe? Because I respond better to vocal suggestions." Jane laughs and throws the soiled napkins away. I finish mopping up the spill and look at her, grateful for her humor.

"Just a little tired. Why are _you_ here this early?" I try to take the attention off myself, hoping Jane will let it go. Just then, my phone goes off and I can hear Jane's phone echo its own ringtone. We eye each other knowingly.

"Dr. Isles" I speak into the phone, waiting for the news. _Yay! The DNA results are in for the fetus._

"They've got something, let's go." Jane is glowing with the promise of new information. I follow her to the elevator excited, but also slightly disappointed. _I really wanted that coffee._

We descend to the morgue level, the level of the dead. I laugh internally about the little joke, praising myself. _Senior Criminalist Chang is here very early. Does she ever sleep?_ Chang meets us in the lab, results in hand. "Thank you, Senior Criminalist Chang." I take the DNA results, hopeful for a suspect.

The list of possible suspects is particularly short. Jane is eyeing me, anxious for a lead. "What's it say? Anything?" I scan the list of possible DNA matches, people that could be the fetus's father.

"A list of possible DNA matches for the fetus's father" I answer, still looking over the results. I scan the list of matches again, actually reading their names. _Andre-Gerard Mathieu. _I physically feel the blood rush from my face, my vision goes black. "Jane, I'm passing out." I hear her shuffle and feel her arms around my waist. That's the last thing I remember.

**Feedback is always welcome! It makes me super happy to hear your thoughts. I might try switching to Jane's point of view next chapter, let me know what you think. You guys are awesome **


	4. Bonnie and Clyde

**Chapter 3**

My eyelids flutter open, my vision still blurred. I can't hear anything and I'm severely disoriented. _What happened? I can't remember anything. My head is pounding. _I moan, but stay motionless. Jane's face starts coming into view. She's saying something, but I can't hear her. I hear echoes of distorted voices but I can't make out what they're saying.

"Maura? Hello? Talk to me!" Jane is pleading for me to respond. She's cradling my head, stroking hair off of my pale face. I rub my eyes and move to a sitting position. Immediately, I start bawling.

"What happened?" I ask trembling, unable to form a coherent thought. My head is spinning. I fight back the bile churning in my stomach.

"Maura, you passed out. Should I call an ambulance?" Jane's lip starts to quiver with fear. I remember my vision going dark and Jane catching me before I fell to the floor. I diagnose myself with having a Vasovagal Syncope. If I didn't hit my head on anything I shouldn't need medical treatment.

"When I fainted, did my head come into contact with anything?" I ask quietly through sobs; I can't stop the tears. She looks at me, weighing my comprehensibility. _She's probably questioning my sanity more than anything else._

"No, you told me you were passing out so I caught you. Why? Maura, do I need to call an ambulance? Yes or no?" Jane sternly annunciates the end of her sentence.

"It was a vasovagal episode, induced most likely by stress and the sudden release of extreme emotions." I look up at Jane with tears streaming down my face. _I wish I could stop the tears. It makes me feel so weak._

"Yes…or no, Maura. Just pick one." She says softly, almost kind. I know I must've frightened her for her to be sensitive. I curl my lip up into a sideways smile, appreciating her level-headedness.

"No." I breathe, shaking my head. Jane takes my hands and helps me up, supporting most of my weight. _I feel so weak._

"You okay? What was on that results sheet? Why have you been so jumpy and anxious today? I know there's something you're not telling me…" She trails off, expecting me to answer.

"Can you look up a name for me, Jane?" I ask skirting the question. She rolls her eyes at me, defeated.

"No. Not until you tell me what the hell is going on. We're friends Maura, we tell each other things." Jane reasons. She looks at me with sincere eyes and I know that her intentions are pure.

"His name, Andre-Gerard Mathieu; it's on the list of possible DNA matches for our fetus. Andre-Gerard Mathieu is the father of the child I aborted when I was sixteen. When I went home this morning, there was a beautifully prepared dish of Pâté Foie Gras on my kitchen counter. Jane, he's watching me. He's in Boston. I know he's the father of the case fetus. He's torturing me, Jane, and I'm terrified." I hope that she understands what I've said. I'm crying so hard, I'm almost inaudible to even myself.

Jane's eyes widen with the realization of what I've said. "Oh my god, Maura! Why didn't you tell me when you found the French asshole's present in your kitchen?"

"I don't know. I didn't want to raise alarm…you had already missed enough sleep taking care of me last night. I didn't want to burden you more than I already have." This is the first time today that I am 100% honest with Jane.

"Burden me? Really? You think that protecting my best friend from a freak rapist pervert is a burden? What are friends for, if not to save your ass when you're being hunted down by a mad man?" Her eyes are playful and I'm drawn to her innate stability in all situations. _I'm so glad she's my friend. I truly don't know what I would do without her._

I nod my head in agreeance. I have nothing to say, Jane is absolutely right. I would do the same for her if it were her instead of me. _I would be there for her._

"I'll have Frost run the name and see what we can find on him, okay? If it's him, we'll catch him. If it isn't, I'll still kick his ass for raping you. Either way, I'm paying Sir Mathieu a visit and it won't be a friendly one." Jane picks up the sheet from the floor and hands me a pack of tissues. "You left those at my place."

I grab the tissues and Jane wraps me in a tight hug. "Maura, everything will be alright, I promise." She looks at me and nods her head once in reassurance then she heads out of the room and down the hallway.

_I don't want to be alone. _I slide down the side of the examination table and onto the floor, my emotions getting the best of me. In the middle of my pity party, my phone rings and I nearly throw it across the room in fear. I clear my throat, "Dr. Isles" I answer_. Another? God…no…_

I get off of the phone and hoist myself up off the floor. _Focus, Maura, time to be strong._ I rush into the elevator and jam my finger into the number 4 button. The bell dings, indicating its arrival at the fourth floor. I go to get off of the elevator, but run head-on into Jane. We both look puzzled and in a frenzy to find the other.

"I was coming down to tell you… There's been another homicide. Another botched abortion. Only this time, the fetus is missing from the crime scene." Jane's facial muscles contort into a scowl and I can't help but notice her mandible jutting out in frustration.

"I was bringing you the same news. We need to find that fetus and I need to examine the victim's body. Let's go." I pull Jane into the elevator, dead set on my mission. I have to end this before someone else dies. _Especially another innocent baby._

Jane doesn't try to protest when I tell her that I'm driving. I throw my car into drive and peel out onto the street. "Jesus, Maura! When did you become such a badass?" Jane yells as she takes hold of the passenger handle bar that hangs from the ceiling.

"Since…right now" I counter, entirely serious. I can see her sideways grin out of my peripheral vision and I know she's enjoying this. Adrenaline courses through my body and it feels good. I feel _alive_.

"Well, alright! Let's take this son of a bitch down!" She squeezes my hand and the fleshy contact is comforting. I feel like a present-day Bonnie and Clyde and I can find no fault in this. _I'm ready to confront Andre. I'm really ready._

"Jane, I feel like we're Bonnie and Clyde!" My voice comes out in a high-pitched, excited squeak. For the first time since we've known each other, Jane laughs. Not only does she laugh, she belly-laughs. Her head is thrown back, mouth gaping open, laughing uncontrollably. Suddenly, I'm laughing too. Really, laughing. Hard!

"Okay, Bonnie. Watch the road will ya? I wanna get there in one piece." She chuckles to herself. _Why does she think she's always the man?_

"I could just as easily be Clyde." I retort. _Maura, you need to calm down. Steady, girl. No need to be catty._ We turn into the alley where the ever-present "crime scene" tape marks our destination.

Jane snorts, "I'm way more masculine than you, Maura. I think that constitutes as something. I'm definitely the guy. Hello, already in a suit." She motions to her outfit. I roll my eyes. _I am not having this conversation. You brought it up, moron._

"Okay then, Clyde, let's go. We have a murder to investigate." I step out of the car and start walking toward the nice looking Policeman to show him my badge. I duck under the tape and flash him my badge. He motions to my right-hand side, directing me toward the victim's body. _You can do this, Maura. Believe in yourself._


	5. Carolina

**Chapter 4**

I enter the room. Out of my peripheral zone of vision, I can see the mass of a dead body. _At least look at her corpse, Maura. She deserves that. This is your job. For better or worse, this is your career. You pull yourself together and get the job done. Just another patient, just another patient._

Steeling myself, I direct my gaze toward this young woman. "Identity?" I shoot out my question to anyone with information. Jane snorts at my abrupt and concise inquiry. Just acknowledging her presence in the room calms my nerves. I physically feel my cortisol levels dissipate.

Jane covers her mouth in an attempt to feign innocence. A portly policeman answers after a pause, "Her I.D. reads a Miss Katherine Hope Pontichello. Date of birth: 10/13/1995." He overly nods his head in an odd attempt to reassure me.

I am immediately suspicious. I eye him with intensity; the same way Jane looks into the eyes of a suspect she's interrogating. Yo_u're mimicking Jane? Oh god. There's nothing wrong with Jane! _I defend her, absentmindedly. I inwardly question my sanity.

I break my scrutiny to meet Jane's eyes. She cocks an eyebrow and smirks knowingly at me. "Thank you, Officer...um…" She breaks our stare to look over his badge, "Copperfield." She smiles at him in a way that can only be interpreted as mockingly. He blushes, but stands his ground.

"Right. You're welcome, Rizzoli." He exits the room and I feel a pang of sympathy toward Officer Copperfield. _Say something! Make him feel better!_

"Thank you, Officer Copperfield! Your assistance has been greatly appreciated!" I yell out to him as he ducks under the Police rope. I turn my attention back to Jane, but she has started to examine the crime scene.

It still really bothers me that Jane thinks she has to be Clyde and that she interprets me as Bonnie. _She is not masculine. Athletic would be the more appropriate word. Maybe her muscle tone is more prominent than other females, but her facial structure is feminine. Her features are strong, but not masculine. She's actually very beautiful…_

I don my ever-present blue latex gloves and begin a standard analysis. A deep laceration stretches from hip bone to hip bone. Her uterus lies outside of her body cavity, severely damaged. I can conclude by the amount of stress caused to the skin, the object was fairly dull. I shake my head in disgust.

"Poor girl… She looks like she suffered." Jane mumbles to me in a low whisper. I feel the urge to cry, but instead, I focus my attention back to Katherine Pontichello's body. _Focus, Maura. Get through this and you can go home and have a good cry. Just get through this._ I have to convince and mentally prod myself in order to do anything lately.

In all of the excitement, I managed to over-look a very vital piece of information. Katherine was ripped open and I want to know why. I could guess that Katherine was pregnant, had an abortion and is now deceased because of it. I could do that, however, I never make assumptions and I never, ever guess.

Further separating the laceration on Katherine's abdomen, I search for evidence of a pregnancy. I locate the remnants of an amniotic sac, thin and translucent as it is. This is confirmation enough for me. I can conclude that Katherine was indeed pregnant. "She was pregnant. My next question is: how far into gestation was her fetus?"

Jane scrunches up her nose, "I dunno. Where's the fetus? Can't you tell from that?" I raise my eyebrows, clearly astonished. Adrenaline is coursing through my body and I begin to slip into my fight-or-flight defensive mechanism.

"Check the dumpsters; check all of the gutters- check everything! We have a missing fetus, Jane. The fetus is missing!" I am on the verge of breaking down again. _Flight: I have to get as far away from here as I can. I want to flee! You can't, Maura, stay calm. Inhale. Exhale. _

"I'll go inform all of the uniforms here, Maura. Don't worry, we'll find that fetus." Jane briskly crosses the length of the room and ducks under the Police rope. I'm left alone with Katherine's corpse. The thought overwhelms me.

I observe my patient's face. Small nose, long eyelashes, high cheek bones, sculpted lips. She resembles a princess and I can't help but adore her. "Katherine, I promise you, I will find your baby. I promise, sweet girl, I will find your baby." I cry over her body, tears falling into her hair.

I take the temperature of her liver to determine a more precise time of death. The thermometer reads 93.2 degrees. I test her extremities for signs of rigor mortis. Her limbs are still fairly placid. I conclude she has been dead approximately two hours.

Jane still hasn't returned from informing the other Policemen and, currently, there is no further testing I can do on Katherine's body. I secure her corpse with the forensics transportation team before I set out in search for the murder weapon. I look under tarps, in rusted buckets and behind pipes but find nothing. I return back to the murder site, back to the table Katherine was on.

_This is why you aren't a detective. You aren't very adept at finding things…well with the exclusion of autopsy findings. I am quite skilled in producing medical evidence._ A glint of something catches my attention. I move closer to the object, curious. Wrapped in soiled cloth, is what looks to be a medium-sized knife.

I carefully unwrap the bundle, using extra caution when dealing with the blade. Suddenly, I hear footsteps progressing toward me. Alert, I quickly pivot to look behind myself. "You found the murder weapon? Is that it?" Jane's voice is much closer than I anticipated. I lose my balance and land hard on the concrete floor. "Jesus, Maura! Are you okay?" Jane fumbles trying to catch me.

"No. I am going to have a contusion the size of a leather football on my Coccyx." I answer rubbing my backside and trying not to laugh. "I did find something, Jane. I will have to make sure that the knife and the incision match though. Any luck in finding our fetus?"

Jane shakes her head at me but I can't tell if it's in exasperation or if she's answering my question inaudibly. "Maura, you found a bloody knife at the crime scene. It's the murder weapon. And no, there was nothing. Not even a bloody towel or anything. It's freaky actually. It's like the murderer didn't even attempt to hide anything. It's like he _wants_ to be found."

My gaze lowers to the floor in irritation. _There is a deceased infant that's been thrown away somewhere. I cannot just sit back until someone finds it. It? No, this baby could be a son or a daughter…well it could have been anyway. _It dons on me then, _What if the fetus isn't dead? What if…it's still alive? _My stomach lurches and I feel the bile climbing up my esophagus. "Please excuse me, Jane. I'm going to vomit."

I stride out of the room and to the closest concealed area. I feel a gentle hand on my spine as I hold my hair back, out of range. "It's okay, Maura. It's okay." Jane rubs small circles across my general Thoracic nerve area.

"No, Jane…please don't watch." I try to hold back the vomit, but to no avail. Jane keeps repeating positive affirmations while continuously rubbing my back. _Please turn your head. I'm completely mortified._ I finish and she hands me a bottle of water. "Where did you get this?" I inquire, pale faced. Either I hadn't noticed she was carrying one, or she dug this up out of the garbage. I eye the bottle with suspicion.

"I grabbed it from the car. Come on, I wouldn't let you drink garbage water." She smiles weakly at me, holding both of my arms. "Are you contagious?" She eyes me with mock suspicion. I shake my head in response. "Then come here." She folds her arms around me and I collapse into her chest. _You don't know how nice it is to be held. Jane, you have no idea what you mean to me._

"Maur, what's going on with you? I'm really worried. Whatever it is, Maura, I can handle it. Just fill me in." Jane whispers into my ear. I completely break down. I know I'm sobbing unattractively, but I just don't care anymore. _I don't care what anyone thinks. This case is breaking me. I cannot do this anymore._

After I've composed myself enough to be understood, I break the embrace between Jane and I. "Jane, I cannot be a part of this case anymore. I can't do this to myself. I dread coming into work. Every day is a struggle to compose myself. Jane, I can't do this. I've never failed before, but I think I've failed now. I'm not strong enough to handle this pain."

Jane's eyes glisten with tears. Suddenly, she adorns a very serious face, "No, Maura. You will finish this case. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to Sofia and to Katherine and to their fetuses. This case is awful and I hate it too, but so help me God, I will find whoever has done this. Maura, you are strong enough! I believe in you and now you need to believe in yourself. You've come this far…can you really turn your back on the girls that have been murdered? Not only murdered but murdered by the same French asshole that killed your own baby? You owe this to **your** dead fetus, Maura. Think about it."

The intensity of her words catches my breath. I am at a loss for words. Everything Jane just said is true. I do owe it to myself, to those girls, to the fetuses. Most importantly, I owe it to Carolina. Her name would have been Carolina. I never got to know the sex of my baby, but I knew she was a girl. I suppose it was mother's intuition, but I knew. "Her name was going to be Carolina." I croak through tears.

Jane looks puzzled, "Who was going to be Carolina?" she asks in a much more friendly tone. Jane is the first person I've told my story to. She's the first person to ever care enough about me to want to know. _I'm scared, mortified even._ _You need to be open with her, Maura._

"Carolina was going to be my baby's name. Carolina." I blink back a new fit of tears. _Enough crying_. Jane takes my hand, squeezing it tightly. Her face screws up into a compassionate frown. _Jane Rizzoli is crying._ She brushes loose strands of hair out of my face and puts both hands on either side of my face.

_Is Jane going to kiss me?_ She stares at me for a moment with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Listen Maura, we will find Andre. We will. I'll call Frost and see if he has any info on Andre yet, okay? Maura, I promise you, we will find him." Jane embraces me yet again and kisses my forehead softly.

"Jane? What if…what if the baby is still alive? I can't help but feel like the baby is not dead." She looks down at me; eyes wide open in shocked realization.

"Holy shit, Maura, I think we have a homicide and child abduction case. And if…" I cut her off, finishing her thought.

"If we don't get there soon enough, the infant will likely starve, become dehydrated and acquire an infection via the umbilical cord laceration." Jane dials Frost and asks for all the info on Andre. We run to the car and Jane gets in the driver's side this time. My high heels are a very unfortunate accessory. Necessary, but unfortunate as I cannot keep up with Jane while wearing them.

I slam the car door and Jane is off- Frost has given her an address. For the second time today, I am ready to take down Andre. He will no longer have a hold on me. Carolina is my fire and Jane is my strength. _I can do this, I can do this, I can do this._

**I really enjoy hearing your feedback, so please, please, please keep the comments coming! Sorry this chapter was so long…my laptop went to heaven this past weekend, so I've been having to write on a desktop computer that shuts down without warning. Anyway, I hope all is well with each and every one of you! Thank you for following this story! Let me know if you have any requests or theories or anything. Thank you! I love you all!**


	6. Protect Me

**Chapter 5**

I have to block out the banter between Frost and Jane. My mind needs to be serene; otherwise I will completely shut down. This is certainly not the way I thought my life was going to play out. I have always been a planner. Organization is vital for my personal sense of well-being. I never planned for this.

_I never imagined hunting down my first love after years and years of trying to forget his existence. Never did I imagine I would become pregnant with a "rape baby'. Not even in my darkest nightmares had that thought even occurred to me. I didn't think someone could be capable of that sort of evil; to make a mother kill her own child. I don't have the words. _

"Thanks Frost, we're here. I'll keep you posted." Jane's voice comes back into focus. _Shit. I'm really doing this. Andre is…and I'm going to be….I have to confront him. This has to end here, right?_ I lock eyes with Jane for a moment. _She has no idea how much she means to me; how much everything she's doing means to me._

"You've got this, Maur. I'm right here with you and I won't run away, okay?" Jane slides the gear into park and places her hand over her gun. I nod my head, acknowledging her kind words. She opens the driver's side door and places her left foot on the asphalt. Taking Jane's lead, I pull the handle and the passenger door pops open. _Carolina. Think of Carolina. Do it for her._

I place both feet firmly on the asphalt outside and lower my head to get out. Jane walks around the front of our vehicle, right hand rested on her gun holster. _I like that. _Shakily, I maneuver off of the seat and onto my feet. Jane takes her position in front of me, guiding the way to the front door. She firmly raps the door a few times.

"Boston Police, open up!" She projects her voice through the dingy, grimy door. I monitor our surroundings, flitting my eyes across the old, desolate building. _I think this is what some people might call "sketchy" or "ghetto". I feel unsafe._ I take a deep breath to steady myself._ Coping mechanism number one. _The chilly autumn air fills my lungs and suddenly, I am unafraid.

I have everything I need. Jane is my strength and my driving force to persevere through this. My sweet baby Carolina is my fire and the reason I continue fighting. Both of these precious females are here with me. Jane: in flesh. Carolina: in spirit. _I am unafraid._

Andre has nothing left to take from me. _It is my time to win._ Jane wiggles the door knob, testing to see if it is locked. The knob twists open and the front door swings inwards on broken hinges. Jane immediately harnesses her gun and points it into the dark room before us.

I follow her through the door, guarding her back. The room is small and musty and disorderly. Furniture from each decade, starting with the 1950s, fills the small space. _This is a fashion nightmare._ The smell of neglect is evident in the stuffy air.

"Stay behind me, alright?" Jane whispers with a clenched jaw. I nod cooperatively and place my hand delicately on her shoulder, informing her of my close proximity. A muffled wail sounds off from deep within the building. _Clearly, an infant's despondent, primal language._

Jane edges toward the direction of the infant's cries, peeking cautiously behind corners and doors. I continuously dart my head around, keeping our flanks guarded. I keep a firm grip on the tail end of Jane's blazer. Lights flicker and electricity pops from broken electrical sockets and wires. Suddenly, we are surrounded by complete darkness.

I wince and grab onto a fist-full of Jane's suit jacket, pulling her closer to myself. Jane reaches back and pushes me into the wall behind her, protecting me. She poises her firearm in front of us both and presses her back firmly against me. I peek out into the blinding darkness, inching my eyes above Jane's shoulder.

"Show yourself! Boston Police!" Jane shouts huskily into the infinite blackness. I feel a warm breath tickle the fine cilia in my ear canal. Reflexively, I fling my hand toward my ear to bat away the disturbance. A firm, calloused hand grips my wrist and wrenches me from Jane's backside.

"Jane!" I try to scream out to her but some coarse material is thrust into my open mouth and over my nasal passage. Jane reacts quickly and shoots a round off into the distance. Adrenaline and cortisol flood my nervous system. _Adrenaline impairs cognitive sequence._ _Oh God, what do I do? Think!_

"Maura?" Jane screams into the dark, musty air. My mind is unclear. I cannot seem to form a coherent thought. My mind is racing with obscure dream-like scenarios. _I'm awfully tired._ My limbs go weak and my head hangs low, yet my vision is not impaired. _Chloroform. Maura, you're about to pass out. Stay calm. Oh, Jane, please find me before it's too late!_


	7. Please Don't Leave

**Chapter 6**

I gasp for breath. Harsh light is blinding me. I hear movement, but cannot discern its origin. Like a test lab rat, I panic searching for a way out; for any sort of direction. A muffled voice grunts and groans. The fluctuation in vocal pattern tells me the noises are being made by someone in grave distress. The low, raspy voice pleads for someone to hear her, to acknowledge her.

_I know this voice_. It is hard for me to focus though, and blood pounds against my eardrums giving me a headache. I listen intently for a moment and suddenly, I know. _Jane! If only I could see her…_

The tender skin of my pallet is chemically burned. A sweet, pungent taste left in my mouth. _Definitely Chloroform. _ Actually, it seems my entire body is in pain. I take notice to the fact that my arms are tethered together behind my back. The blinding light flickers a few times and then the overwhelming beam steadies, boring through me.

"Jane? Where are you?" I mumble off into the distance. Her guttural response breaks my heart. _Something is over her mouth_. I hear her struggle for a moment and then the piercing cries of an infant stab the air. Suddenly, I remember everything. Time catches up with me and the memories start flooding back, threatening to hold me captive. _Andre, the infant, the unfortunate building, __**Jane**__._

"Did you think you could run forever...Doctor?" A thickly accented, disembodied voice spits out aggressively. I narrow my eyes, begging the light to dim. "It is only too bad that your life has to end with death, Madame Isles, as you have spent a vast majority of it living for the dead." The voice chuckles lightly. _Andre._

I'm at my breaking point. _This entire situation is my fault_. Jane wouldn't be here if not for me and now Andre is toying with his prey. This is all a sick psychological game to him. _If he hurt Jane, I swear to all that is pure, I will end his existence and I won't even try to cover my tracks. I would behead him… and I would enjoy it._ Anger floods me.

The harsh beam of light clicks off and, again, we are submerged in total darkness. Within moments, a standard ceiling lamp is turned on. I am thankful for its subtle glow. It takes my eyes about 10 seconds to fully adjust. _I feel disoriented._

My head flicks about the room, searching for Jane. I finally catch sight of her. She has been restrained in what appear to be bungee cords and her lovely mouth has been masked with a layer of duct tape. Her eyes are wet with tears. My heart sinks. _If Andre managed to do this to Jane, I don't stand a fighting chance._ Jane and I lock eyes. Her eyebrows pinch together with apologetic fear. _Jane..._

Andre places the naked infant on a stainless steel table in the middle of the room. I hadn't noticed the deathly pale of the infant's skin until now. All of my attention was focused on Jane in that moment. The baby lets out a small, panicked cry. My heart breaks.

Andre spins around, now facing me, garnishing a kitchen knife. The infant writhes in hunger on the cold metal table. "Before I kill you, my sweet Maura Isles, I am going to make you kill your confidant. I think she goes by 'Detective Jane Rizzoli', correct?" His eyes pierce through me darkly.

I feel the blood drain from my face as my stomach lurches threateningly. _Be strong, Maura. Outsmart him._ I shake my head and tears stream from my eyes. _What do I do? How do I get out of this?_

"Get up!" Andre shouts down at me striking my cheek with the back of his right hand. The smarting pain startles me and I fumble myself into a standing position. Jane rocks forward and back in the chair she's bound to, trying desperately to escape. The strain defines the muscles in her arms and a vain pulsates under the skin of her forehead.

Andre turns to Jane in an angry, manic fit barring his teeth. "No!" I shout breathlessly. My throat, raw from the Chloroform inhalation, burns. Andre stops his arm in mid-swing and turns to face me again, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Good. Now I know she means something to you." He makes his way across the room and forces me against the wall. "I know you missed me, Sea Star. You don't have to pretend anymore."  
He runs a cold, calloused finger along my arm.

"After you killed...oh, what was the name again? Carolina, was it? Yes, that's the one. After you killed her, I realized that I shouldn't have let you live. I could have saved myself a trip to America, you know? I could have just killed both of you that night. But like a fool, I waited for the most opportune moment to murder you in France." He shrugs his shoulders, waving the knife around.

"No chance came my way though. You never left your prissy private school. My hunger for your blood escalated until it consumed my every thought. My sweet love, I have envisioned killing you in every possible way; shooting, stabbing, strangling, even drowning. Sadly, none of those fed my hunger." Andre licks his lips hungrily. _Please…stop. Please!_

"I dreamt up a thousand different scenarios. Do you know what? Do you know how I planned your death? 3 months ago, I sat alone at Cafe Le Paon in my beautiful Paris, thinking about you- Your sweet scent, your lovely pink cheeks, the smell of death radiating from your corpse- It sent chills down my spine. I knew then, how I had to kill you. The most agonizing death I could concoct. I had to save it for you, love." He runs his finger along the end of the blade, making me anticipate his plans.

"So I came here, to God-forsaken America. You were too easy to find! Your perfect name has been published into 16 different news articles in Boston alone. I knew where to find you, baby. You can't hide from me. I know you tried to forget, to block out my memory, but you failed." Andre grimaces menacingly. My lip quivers. _Hold it together._

"I watched you drive to work, back to your house; I saw your friends, your family, the detective. I watched you live your life every single day for 3 months. I know everything about you." He smiles triumphantly. My hands tremble and I feel ill.

"I saw you when you bought those baby clothes- the pink, lacey, floral ones. I saw you when you took them home and cried over them for hours. I saw you when you folded the clothes up and stored them in an old trunk in your bedroom." Andre pauses for a moment, letting the humiliation sink deep. I can no longer hold the tears inside. _Make it stop._

"I saw you cry yourself to sleep every fucking night over Carolina...pathetic!" He lowers his voice to an almost inaudible whisper. _I wish Jane couldn't hear this._

"I saw you sleep with 3 different men. I must say that's quite impressive for someone like you, Sea Star. I saw them fall asleep in your bed after you had made love to each one. I saw you lay there in the dark, wishing they'd leave. I saw you cowardly get out of your bed each time. And yes, I saw you lock yourself in the bathroom and cry until the sun came up every single time." Andre angrily throws the knife within inches of my head and it sticks into the plastered wall behind me. Jane shrieks and flails about in the wooden chair. _God, if you're there…help me. Please_.

"Maura, I know everything. You really thought you had a secret life... I know all your lies, your fucked up mind, everything. I know that this detective means more to you than anyone else in your pathetic life." He leans down to me and nuzzles his nose into my bruised cheek. I turn my head away from him reluctantly. His cold, rough fingers catch my chin and wrench my face toward his. Andre's sullen, sunken in face is mere inches from mine.

"This is why I lured you in to me, Sea Star. I knew the detective would try and protect you and I knew I had to make you kill the detective. It was perfect! I have to make you murder the one that means the most to you, my sweet love." Andre leans his forehead against mine and draws in a long, deep breath. I can feel his warm breath on my lips and before I can dodge his advance, he kisses me. Bile churns in the back of my raw throat. _Stop! Please stop! _I silently plead.

After a moment, Andre pulls his lips from mine. _I cannot take much more of this. _Tears trickle down my cheeks as I fight the urge to vomit in his disgusting face. Andre extracts the knife from the wall and breaks his domineering glare at me. I look to Jane, trying to tell her how sorry I am with only facial expressions. Her profile mirrors mine.

"This is where you come in, detective." He turns toward Jane, knife pointed toward her. Andre bends over and agonizingly tears the duct tape from Jane's mouth. Droplets of blood pool on the surface of her cracked lips. She lets out a faint wince, tears streaming down her face. She clenches her jaw defiantly.

"Please..." She whispers to Andre. He smiles, enjoying Jane's evident pain. I gape at her tangible vulnerability. I was unable to grasp the enormity of this situation until now. _Jane is terrified._

"This is where your part comes into play, detective. You are the final piece of the puzzle. See, my Sea Star, Maura, loves you. In order for this to truly torture her, she must kill the one she loves most. In killing you, she's killing a large part of herself." Andre turns on his heel to affront me once again.

"This means that I'll successfully have taken everything from you, Maura Isles. I'll have taken your virginity, your only child, your happiness, your peace of mind, your trust, the person you love most and finally, your life." A sense of accomplishment plays across Andre's face.

My lips tremble. My whole body starts to shake. _There is no way out of this. I'm going to die tonight._ "Andre, let the detective go. She is not the person that means the most to me. I can assure you that my feelings for the detective are nothing more than work-related cooperation. We aren't friends. We work together, but that's as far as our relationship goes. She means little more than nothing to me."

The lie is hard to choke out of my throat. I try to make it sound as believable as I can. _Maybe then Jane can get out of this alive._ I chance a glance at Jane, her face is ashen and she looks so hurt. Surely, she knows this isn't the truth. However, if she believes it, maybe Andre will too.

"It's only me that you truly desire, Andre. To tell you the truth, you're all I've ever wanted and I've missed you dearly. If you let Jane and the infant go, I will be yours forever. I will do anything you want. You used the infant to lure me in and Jane is here only by orders from the Chief. Just let them go and we can be together forever." My eyes are wet with tears. The false statements rip my heart apart.

Andre ponders my request for some time, his eyes flitting back and forth between me and Jane. After a moment of deliberation, he spins me around and cuts the restraints from my wrists. I had yet to notice the chain enclosed around my ankles. Those remain intact. _I'm not getting away._

"Stay right there." Andre commands wildly, jutting his finger in my face. He strides to Jane and cuts the bungee ropes that bind her to the chair. "Get up, you ugly bitch." He spits down at her through gritted teeth and pinches the bare skin over her upper arm. His comment stirs up a wave of wrath within me.

Andre places his knife at Jane's neck, just centimeters from her Jugular vein. "Maura, give the detective the infant." He shouts at me with an evil grin, clearly enjoying this control. _I will do whatever it takes to free Jane._

I oblige, shuffling to the metal table in the center of the room. The wooden floorboards creak beneath the falling of my footsteps. My head spins and my heart beat pulses loudly in my ears. _Please, Jane…find help. _

I cradle the pale infant in my bruised and weak arms. Instantly, a surge of adrenaline floods my system. I feel a shockingly intense connection to this baby. _Probably because I know this is the end of my life. I'm trying to hold on to anyone that will let me now. Live a long and beautiful life, little one._

The infant's genitalia tell me she is a female. Her skin is pale but tinted a sickeningly, ominous shade of blue. _She is fading fast. _I try to check her pulse, but run out of time as I cross the room. _Her heartbeat is steady, but light._ She will more than likely survive if Jane gets her medical attention within the hour.

I hand the beautiful baby girl over to Jane, our forearms brushing. _This is the last time I will get to touch Jane._ My heart is pounding in my chest. _Please don't leave me._


	8. Validation

**Chapter 7**

Jane's eyes never leave mine and her stare holds all of my conscious attention. For a moment, the world stands still. Time stops completely and I am embraced in her warm chocolate eyes. _I am safe_. It dons on me; this _is the last time I will get to look into their mysterious depth_. A pang of longing creeps up my spine. _How do you say goodbye to someone you love?_

The profound intensity of our stare causes me to blush. Jane blinks back tears and I know she is at a crossroads. I can tell she doesn't want to willingly abandon me, but the baby in her arms needs prompt medical attention. Her jaw clenches anxiously. _Go Jane, and don't ever look back._

I want to be selfish. I want to beg her to stay with me. I am terrified and the only reason I haven't fallen apart completely is because of Jane's presence here._ I need her. I don't want to die._ I don't care if I'm a coward. _I am a coward that wants to live!_ But I could never make her stay and I won't let her. _That is not an option._ Jane will make it out of this alive, even if it costs me my own life.

"Get out!" Andre screams into Jane's ear and I snap out of my reverie. Our silent goodbye has come to an end. I break our intimate gaze to peer at the beautiful infant wrapped in Jane's arms. _Jane is going to be a wonderful mother some day_. Tentatively, my eyes move to Jane's face once more. _I will miss you._ My lips quiver slightly, foreboding a stream of tears.

I have made a definitive conclusion. _I am saving Jane tonight_. I will be murdered, but Jane will live. _That's all that I care about._ I have made peace with the fact that I am going to die. The saying "There's always a calm before the storm" could not be more accurate in this situation. _You lived a wonderful life, Maura. Take pride in your accomplishments._

Jane's apologetic gaze never falters. Her eyes are glued to me like she's memorizing every detail of my face. Her scrutiny makes me uncomfortable but not wholly agitated. I kind of like the affection lingering in her eyes. _I truly love her._

Suddenly, the energy in the atmosphere changes, an eerie premonition looming in the air. A surge of electric emotion penetrates my awareness, guiding my attention back to the present time. Without warning, a sense of terror washes over me. _He knows. Andre knows I fibbed._

Quickly, out of the corner of my eye, I see Andre hurtle toward Jane. I snap my attention toward him but it happens so fast, I have no time to react. It takes him milliseconds to reach her and the infant. Andre grabs Jane from behind, his arm flexed tightly around her shoulders. I see the flash of silver in his other hand.

Andre wickedly plunges the kitchen knife he has been adorning into Jane's abdomen. Twisting the blade, he maliciously declares, "On second thought, I think I'll kill you myself!" Startled panic and agony erupts across Jane's face. _Oh my god…_

Andre turns his attention to me. "This is your fault! You are the dirtiest scum on the face of the earth! The detective obviously means a lot to you...You disgust me, you liar! And now, the detective is dead and there's nothing you can do about it!" He bellows at me, outraged. I feel as if everything is happening in slow motion. Andre pulls the knife out of Jane's abdominal cavity. Blood spews out of the wound, trickling down her leg and onto the wooden floor. Jane collapses into a bleeding heap on the ground.

I move to rush to Jane's side, but Andre counters my advance. "If you take another step, I will slash the baby's throat. I know how unfortunate it would be for you to have another person's death on your shoulders." He procures the docile infant, restraining her weak head in his rough hands.

"What do you want from me? I have nothing left to give you!" I scream at him through my furious weeping. Sobs rack my exhausted body. _How could he? Jane..._

"I want to destroy you, Maura Isles. I want you to pay for the sorrow you have put me through all these years! Because of you, I am fucked up! It's your fault, _doctor_! I was in love with you, completely infatuated, but you did not share the same feelings. You killed me inside, so now I'm going to kill you!" Angry tears cascade down Andre's cheeks. _I'm dealing with a true psychopath._

Seeing him cry is so validating and I relish the thought of his eminent pain. He is much weaker than I made him out to be and suddenly, I feel powerful. "I loved you, Andre, and you took advantage of that trust. Only a monster could achieve the level of evil you possess! You killed Carolina… It was you, Andre!" Adrenaline overcomes my mournfully enraged body, causing me to shake.

I am nearly inaudible, but the animosity in my voice should send the correct message. Andre tosses the helpless infant back onto Jane's bleeding torso. Still conscious, Jane catches the baby girl, miraculously managing to support the infant's fragile head. I wince as Jane cries out in agony.

Without second thought, I lunge at Andre. My lips curved up in a furious snarl. For a fleeting moment, I second guess myself. _He is armed and dangerous. Maura, what have you gotten yourself in to? I am fighting for my life, Jane's life and the beautiful infant's life. This has to be done. There is no other way to save them._

Reflexively, Andre lifts his arms to cover his exposed face. The blade of the bloody knife catches my cheek, tearing the soft skin. Searing pain radiates from the shallow laceration. I grab onto the knife, and try unsuccessfully to pry it from his cold fingers. _You can do this, Maura!_ _You have to._

We both struggle to gain possession of the weapon. He stabs the air with the tip of the blade as I parry his frenzied progressions. The chains bound to my bare ankles, pinch my skin, ripping the outermost layer off. The rough wooden floor catches at my exposed flesh. _At what point did I lose my footwear?_

Jane writhes in anguish on the floor, her expression a contorted, agonizing grimace. The pool of blood surrounding her left hip is expanding with every beat of her heart. _Focus, Maura! Jane is dying and you'll be damned if she bleeds out for your sake!_

I manage to wrap my fingers around the handle of the knife, wiggling my fingers under his. Andre's icy fingertips wrap around my throat, constricting my airway. I cram my elbow firmly into his diaphragm, just how Jane taught me. _Defensive training: move number 1._ His grip loosens on the knife momentarily and I take full advantage of his blunder.

Ripping the knife from his dominant hand, I send my elbow into his diaphragm once more. Andre throws his weight onto my spine, causing me to lose balance. We topple to the floor struggling to gain the upper hand. Andre pins me to the floor with his strong, agile body. _No! I refuse to let it end this way!_

I yell out a mutilated war-cry in heated frustration. _I will win this fight!_ For a fleeting second, Andre eyes me with bewilderment_. I am not the same fifteen year old girl anymore, Andre! _He raises a tight fist to strike my ill-guarded face. I swing the knife toward his fisted hand, nicking the knuckle of his ring finger.

Our eyes lock for a brief moment and I take advantage of his lapse of attentiveness yet again. Remembering mine and Jane's Saturday kickboxing classes, I slam my knuckles into Andre's penis, just how Jane instructed. His breath catches in his throat and his eyes squint to a close. Immediately, Andre teeters unsteadily above me in tortured desperation, grabbing his genitals.

With my free hand, I knock him off of me and onto the creaking wooden floorboards. Gripping the knife tightly, I swing my legs around and straddle Andre's ribcage. Before I have time to contemplate, I raise the blade high above my head. Andre starts jabbing his fists into my abdomen. The physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional distress within me.

"It is my turn to win!" I desperately scream through a stream of tears. Impetuously, I plunge the soiled blade directly through his pericardial cavity, impaling his heart. A look of awestruck panic is reflected in his expression as he realizes what I've just done. I gasp, mortified. _I'm just as awful as he is…_

My immediate response is to run to Jane, but I continue to stare down into his cold eyes. I cannot chance anything at this point. Andre sputters and a thin trail of blood trails out of his open mouth. I have fatally wounded him, so I know his death will be quick. Andre's chest rises and falls once more. His eyes lose their liveliness and cease to blink. _He is gone._

I check his pulse, confirming that he is dead. There is no time to mourn my actions, I must get to Jane. The chains encroaching my now raw and bloody ankles, is stretched as far as it will reach. I dig my fingers into Andre's clothes pockets, searching for a key. _Just keep breathing, Jane, I'm coming._


	9. Final Wish

**Chapter 8**

Blood seeps from the fatal wound on Andre's chest, staining my lower half dark red. The sticky substance clings to the skin of my legs, running down to my toes. I frantically search for the key to unlock my shackles, digging my fingers into Andre's clothes pockets. The key is not with him.

I push off of Andre's corpse and somehow manage to raise myself up into a standing position. "Talk to me Jane! I'm here! I'm coming!" I cry out to her limp and bleeding body. _Please don't be too late._ I glance in the direction of Jane and the infant. Both woman and child are rounding on the ugly side of death.

Tears threaten to spill over my red, swollen eyelids. _Find the key damn it!_ I stumble to the metal table in the center of the deathly silent room. Jane moans unintelligibly in response to my hurried demands. I almost collapse with relief at the sound of her voice. A large Victorian key sits unharmed on the surface of the table.

Stabbing the key into each lock, I free myself and hobble over to the frail heap of human that is Jane. Not wasting any time, I clumsily throw myself onto my blood stained knees, kneeling beside my dying friend. I place my hands over Jane's wound, applying generous pressure. She screams in agony and I gasp in terrified response. "I'm so sorry, Jane...I'm so sorry!" I repeat multiple times. _Even on the edge of death, Jane is still absolutely beautiful._

Medically speaking, however, Jane does not look good. Her cheeks are pale and her normally pink lips are a deep purple. Her purple lips are quivering from a drop in her core temperature. Jane is going into shock. _She needs to release a hefty amount of adrenaline or else...no. No or else._

The infant wrapped in Jane's arms has regained minimal coloring, taking on a healthier peach shade. I take a quick moment to check her pulse and conclude that Jane takes precedence over the sleeping infant. Jane's curly black hair is matted to her forehead, drenched in sweat. I run a hand through the ringlets, guiding stray strands off of her face.

Jane's eyes flutter open and roll around disoriented and frightened. "Maura..." With her free hand, she reaches toward me. I remove my hand from her curly locks and grasp her palm tightly. A shock of emotion pulses under my calm exterior. Jane and I lock eyes. _There is so much I want to say to you, Jane._

"Jane! You're doing a fantastic job...I'm so sorry...Jane...I'm so, so sorry…" I interlock our fingers and rest my hand on top of hers. Her lips turn up into a half smile. My heart beats wildly in my chest. Jane's breathing is shallow and labored. Unadulterated fear pulls at the back of my mind, but I am able to evade the horrifying thoughts. _For now._

"Maura, I'm dying." Jane wheezes in a low voice, exhausted. _I cannot lie to her._ She is bleeding out onto the rough wooden floor. I hang my head guiltily and defeated sobs violently shake my body. Just then, I hear a crackle of static and a muffled voice.

I look in the direction of the noise hoping for a miracle. A dim red light flashes against the cold metal of the table in the center of the room. "Jane, I will be right back. I want you to continue talking to me. How are you feeling? Can you describe the room to me?" _I hate leaving her…_

Jane nods her head weakly, pinching her eyebrows together and I reluctantly unclasp our hands. I notice multiple lacerations carved into my palm. _Defensive wounds_. Once again, I stumble into a hunched orthostatic stance. I make my way back to the table to find Jane's walkie-talkie battered, but still operating. With no time to spare, I grab the device and limp back to Jane.

"...and I see a lot of blood. Maura, I need you to come back over here." Jane had been answering my question in a quiet mumble. I kneel down beside her once more, and resume putting pressure on her wound. _Too much blood…_

"I'm here Jane. I found your walkie-talkie...they will find us. Just stay with me! Talk to me." The plea in my voice is evident and I don't try to camouflage my fear. With my free hand, I press the button on the side of the device. I take a deep breath and focus on the task at hand.

"This is Maura Isles, medical examiner for the-" I enunciate every word clearly, stifling sniffles and audible sobbing. Jane places her hand over mine, over the deep laceration above her hip. I wrap my thumb up and over her hand, stroking it absentmindedly. I am interrupted by a man's voice.

"Back up is on the way, Doctor! 3 minutes away...hang in there!" A voice I faintly recognize at the moment floats through the speaker. Relief and gratitude overwhelm me. _We did it, Jane, we made it!_ A smile plays on my lips as I notice my cortisol level depleting.

"Maura, listen to me. I can't hold on much longer..." Jane's raspy voice snaps me back to reality. I gaze into her chocolate eyes, swimming in their warmth. _Please, keep talking to me, Jane._ "Can you do something for me?" Her voice, little above a whisper now, is nervous.

"Of course, Jane, anything…what is it?" I reply honestly, tracing the curve of her lips with my eyes. _I would do anything for her._ Jane pauses for a brief moment and inhales a small breath before continuing. Her grip on my hand tightens slightly. _This must be very serious._

"I just…I can't die knowing that I never kissed you, Maur." Jane's eyes fill up with tears. I am momentarily taken aback. I question our relationship, our friendship, everything. _I cannot deny Jane her final wish._ Also, medically speaking, kissing releases adrenaline and dopamine. If her feelings are strong enough, Jane will release an adequate amount of adrenaline. Enough to keep her heart beating long enough for us to reach medical attention.

I validate my decision by arguing that I'm doing this for the medical benefits. _I won't let my best and only friend die._ I lean my head down, inches above Jane's pale face. Her eyes close briefly and our fingers interlock. The sleeping infant's bald head, resting under Jane's jaw, coos. _Her own little stamp of approval._

I smile down at Jane, responding to the coincidental coo from the slumbering infant. She lightly bites her lip, anxious. Closing my eyes, I descend my lips toward Jane's mouth. Sultry sensation causes my heartbeat to accelerate. My stomach feels like it's caught in my throat and chills run over my scalp. Slightly parting my lips, I place them on Jane's. I feel like a school girl on the playground falling in love for the first time. _Jane is intoxicating my mind, body and soul._

This is something I have yet to feel. I feel sick and excited at the same time, which is very confusing. Our lips are still for a moment and then a wave of intensity crashes into me. My lips long for Jane. _This is more than platonic friendship._ I have to will myself to pull my lips from hers. It takes every ounce of my self-control. My eyes flutter open to meet the warm glow of Jane's.

I hear commotion outside of the dimly lit room, the sound reverberating off of the wooden floor. Jane raises a shaky and weak hand to my face. She cups my cheek and gently strokes my skin with the pad of her thumb. "I think help is here, Jane. You are not going to die…I will not let that happen! I promise." I press my tear-sodden cheek deeper into her palm.

"Boston PD! Open up!" A loud, gruff voice pulls my attention from Jane and to the door at the other end of the room. The wooden door splinters as it is forced open with a strong kick. Policemen rush in, guns loaded and held at attention. Once they clear the room, a team of paramedics rush in garnishing a gurney. I try to stay calm, but my nervous system has had enough. I completely shut down.

Wrapping the infant in a NASA certified heating blanket, a woman paramedic rushes her out of the room. The other two paramedics place a board under Jane and lift her up to the gurney. A neck restraint is placed around her neck and the male places his gloved hands over Jane's bloody hip. Voices and people prance about the room, trying to engage me in conversation. I hear the voices but cannot discern what they are saying. I sit on the hard wooden floor, shaking and bawling.

"I want to go with her! I want to go with her!" I scream at them desperately. _All I want is Jane._ I am exhausted, I am bloody and beaten, and I am in love with my best friend. My mind is racing with incoherent thoughts. My vision goes fuzzy around the edges and my head throbs.

Strong arms pick me up off the floor. They cradle me like I'm a helpless child. I want desperately to fight the person, but fatigue pulls at my limbs. "I'll take you to Jane, Maura; I'll take you to Jane!" I recognize the man's soft voice. I concentrate on his masculine, but boyish face. _Frankie._ I nuzzle my head into his chest as an inaudible "thank you".

Sunlight hits my face, warm and blinding. Sirens are blaring and people circle around the police tape to gawk at the scene. "Don't worry, Maur, they're taking good care of her!" Frankie tightens his grip around me, as if affirming his statement. _Jane. Jane. Jane._

The ambulance doors close, sirens screaming, rushing Jane and the infant to the nearest hospital. Suddenly the ambulance stops and the doors swing open. Frankie hurriedly strides to the back of the vehicle. He exchanges a few phrases with one of the Paramedics, raising his voice at the elder man. _Jane. Jane. Jane._

Ducking his head, he climbs into the Ambulance with me in his arms. I locate Jane on the gurney. _Still so beautiful._ The doors swing together once again, closing us in. The little space is crowded and busy with movement. Frankie takes a seat next to Jane's head on a built in bench in the Ambulance, still cradling me. I reach out for Jane's hand and she meets my fingers with hers. That is the last thing I remember. _Jane. Jane. Jane._


	10. I am Alive

**Chapter 9**

I awaken in a sterile, gray hospital room. No one is in the room save for me and my erratic thoughts. I have never felt so many different emotions at once. I'm left confused and dissatisfied. Part of me longs for company, but the other part is thankful to be alone.

_I love Jane_. Yes, I have known this for a while now. _I am in love with Jane_. This is very raw and untouched territory. As scary and unknown as it may seem, it's also refreshing and exhilarating.

I twiddle my thumbs around each other in an absentminded circle. _How long has Jane been attracted to me? How long has she kept her feelings at bay?_ I want nothing more than to talk to her; to hear her voice right this very moment. Despite my longing for her, Jane is in surgery and has been for the past 6 hours.

My mind flits back to when I first woke up in this exact room. Panic stricken, I pulled every last catheter and monitor from my body. The poor nurses were gawking at my shameless audacity. A strong dose of sedatives were pumped into my system intravenously…when the IV was in place once more. Now, I lie here alone waiting for Jane to come out of surgery. _I am so uneasy and scared!_

Our tender kiss replays in my mind like a broken record. Jane's lips felt rough and parched. I still feel their gentle pull against my own. I replay the slight tremor running through my body in response to our mouths first contact. _Why am I so stuck on this thought_? I am over analyzing every little detail of our kiss. _Our first kiss_. The only kiss I could replay a thousand times and still need more of.

"Maura! Honey, you're awake! How ya feelin'?" I would recognize that sweet, accented voice anywhere. My eyes flit to the woman bustling toward me. _Angela, Jane's mother!_ Angela rushes through the door and to my uncomfortable bedside. Her warm embrace is extremely welcome and needed. Tears slip from my eyes and onto Angela's dark red cable knit sweater.

"What a pleasant surprise, Angela! How is Jane? Have you seen her? Has she come out of surgery yet?" I suppress the urge to bawl on this poor woman's shoulder. _It's so incredibly nice being surrounded by a mother's love, even if she isn't my own. _

All of my thoughts are inhabited with Jane and the beautiful baby girl we saved. _How is our baby? Our? Surely, the infant will be adopted out. She isn't ours. Jane and I aren't even a couple. Are we? Does one kiss between the two of us constitute as a non-platonic relationship?_ Regardless, I need to know how the beautiful girl is doing.

Angela breaks our embrace and rests her hands on my sore shoulders. "My Janey is alive because of you. She came out of surgery ten minutes ago and the doctors say she did wonderfully. I wish she would quit this job already! The Lord only intended for so many holes to be in that girl..." She rolls her eyes in exasperation. Just then, a nurse walks in holding my medical chart to her chest.

"Ms. Isles, so good to see that you've calmed down. How're you feeling?" The plump, rosy cheeked nurse smiles at me from the doorway. I immediately blush, recalling my previous feral behavior. "This your mother?" She asks sweetly walking over to shake Angela's hand.

"No...um..." I sputter out, looking to Angela for help. She is closer to me than my own mother. Well, both of my mothers. Biological and adoptive combined. I love Angela like she is my mother. I suppose I have 3 mother figures...one that gave birth to me, one that paid for someone to raise me and one that loves me like I came from her own womb.

"I'm as good as a mom to her. Hi, I'm Angela." She extends an arm to shake hands with the nurse. She pats my bruised knee with the other. Angela and Nurse Linda make conversation as she checks my vital signs and replaces my IV fluid sack.

"How is the infant? The infant that was recovered from the scene? Did she survive?" I interrupt their friendly banter with my lucid questions. They both look up at me in unison. Angela wears a quizzical expression.

"Baby Jane Doe is doing just fine. Would you like to see her? I'm not really supposed to, but I'll stroll the little pumpkin up here after my rounds. I'm the head nurse on this floor, so I can get away with it." Nurse Linda's eyes sparkle with promise. The heartbeat monitor connected to my chest, beeps in alarm. The unexpected mention of Jane's name sends my resting heartbeat into a hyper frenzy.

Angela and Nurse Linda eye me speculatively. I shrug and mutter, "You said 'Jane'...I suppose my heart reacted accordingly." Both women smile back at me and Nurse Linda lets out a little giggle.

"Alright, dear, I'll be right back with...baby girl. She's the cutest one in the entire NICU!" Nurse Linda exits the room wearing a genuine smile. A jingle emanates from Angela's cheap purse. _I'll have to get her a new one this Christmas._

"Janey is asking for you and is giving the nurses a hell of a fight trying to get out of her bed...Oh boy, I'd better go calm my dragon daughter down! I swear that girl's gonna get it! I'll be back later, sweetheart." Angela flips her phone closed and gingerly kisses the crown of my head. _So nice…_

I am left alone once more with Jane consuming each and every one of my thoughts. I anxiously await the arrival of our beautiful baby girl. _Maura, the infant is not yours. Nor is she Jane's._ _You are being ridiculous!_ A bold thought creeps its way into my mind. _What if I didn't have to give the infant up? What if...I kept her? Adopted her? I love that innocent little girl. I don't want to let go._

I hear squeaky wheels progressing toward my open door. A wave of excitement washes over me. Nurse Linda rolls a small crib into my room. Inside, is the beautiful bald head of my infant. Tears stream from my eyes as I gaze upon her perfect little face.

"Can I keep her?" The question flies from my mouth before I can stop it. I look up at Nurse Linda afraid she will decide against it. She holds my gaze compassionately, a crease forming above the bridge of her nose. _Please say yes. Please._


	11. Buying Time

**Chapter 10**

"Well...Ms. Isles, I...I think you should wait to make that decision until you're discharged from the Hospital." Nurse Linda smiles over at me and lifts my little baby girl out of the small plastic crib. _Maura, you're being ridiculous! This child belongs to the state of Massachusetts, not you._

I nod my head reluctantly, but decide against arguing the matter further. Nurse Linda places the infant into my bruised arms. Pain ebbs from minor stab wounds and contusions as the baby settles in my cradled arms. The pain is worth it. _She is absolutely beautiful._

The infant has perfectly sculpted lips, the color of a spring rose pedal. Her full cheeks are soft and beautiful. The baby's button nose twitches with the visions of her dreams. She opens her little mouth and lets out a long yawn, stretching her arms above her head.

"I'm afraid I'm being paged, Ms. Isles. I will be back to collect the little one in about 15 minutes." Nurse Linda bustles out of my room. I observe the tiny infant in my arms. _I'm so sorry about your parents, baby. I am so very sorry!_

I brush my index finger over her rosy cheek. She turns her face in the direction of my finger, opening her tiny mouth once more. _Rooting Reflex; one of the primitive human reflexes that disappear with age._ I am fascinated. I sit studying the baby's face for the entire 15 minutes that Nurse Linda is away.

"You are welcome to visit her tomorrow, Ms. Isles. You're to be discharged tonight, actually. After I stroll the little miss back down to the Nursery, I'll be up to discharge you." Nurse Linda smiles at me as she transfers the infant from my arms to the plastic crib next to my bed. I nod my head sadly. The infant took my mind off of Jane for a short period of time, but all I really want is Jane. _Jane…_

"Can you please find out what room Jane Rizzoli is recovering in?" The question comes out a little harsh and my eyes flit to the poor nurse. _Maura, honestly, what is wrong with you?_ I look at Nurse Linda apologetically, hoping I have not offended her. She nods her head curtly and strolls the slumbering infant out of my room.

I fidget nervously with my fingers. I hope Jane is lucid and conscious because I need to hear her voice. There are so many things I need to say to her. Although nearly every part of my body is in pain, I have decided that my emotional crisis takes precedence. _Jane._

Nurse Linda returns with discharge paperwork that I need to sign. I oblige and we exchange a few words, but my thoughts are overwhelmed with Jane. _I have never been so utterly distracted_. I just need to see her; to know that her heart is beating.

"Angela brought you a change of clothes; she said they're in a bag in your bathroom. Jane Rizzoli is in room 417a on the 4th floor. Take care of yourself, Ms. Isles!" Nurse Linda pats my foot gently on her way out. _Such a nice woman…_

"Thank you." I breathe, lifting my legs off of the side of the bed eagerly. I'm draped in a large cotton gown with triangles and circles printed all over it. I slowly make my way to the restroom inside of my room. I strip off the cotton hospital gown and slide the dress Angela brought me over my head. _She knows me well..._

My tan coat hangs from the hook on the back of the restroom door. _Angela really did think of everything._ I gingerly slip my battered feet into nude colored heels. _I will have to remember to buy more sensible shoe wear... And a large thank-you gift for both Angela and Frankie._

I brush my teeth with the complimentary tooth care package sitting wrapped on the sink's edge. A hairbrush and several rubber bands sit opposite the dental hygiene package. I pull my hair up in a loose ponytail. Nervous butterflies swim around inside of my stomach. _Jane._

I exit the restroom and look over my room once, making sure I haven't forgotten anything. Taking a deep breath, I walk out of my hospital room and down the hall to the elevator. All I can see is Jane's beautiful face. All I can feel are her lips on mine. The elevator beeps and the steel doors slide open slowly.

No one is occupying the empty elevator, so I walk into the small space and press the number 4. My heart beats wildly and my fingers tremble inside my coat pockets. _Calm down, Maura._ I anxiously watch the light flash the floor numbers that I am passing. _6, 5, 4._ The elevator beeps, telling me we've reached our destination. _Deep breath and go._

Shakily, I step out of the elevator and stride slowly down the entirely too white hallway. I want to run to Jane's room, but I also want to run away in the opposite direction. There are so many conflicting emotions coursing through my mind. _I have to see Jane. I need to be with her._ Reading the ascending room numbers, I reach room 417a.

I pause outside the closed door. _The woman I love is through that door. My best friend is lying in the hospital bed inside of this room. _I close my eyes for a moment and take another deep breath. I stare at the wooden door for a moment and then knock lightly three times. _No turning back…_

I grasp the cold metal door handle and slowly push the door open.


	12. Friction

**Chapter 11**

Her room is dimly lit and eerily quiet. The steady hum of machines plays a symphony of background noise. I see the outline of her sleeping body wrapped in thin knitted blankets and my heart beats erratically. Jane's wildly curly hair is spread out on the pillow underneath her head. I step inside and close the door gently behind myself and it clicks shut.

It takes me a moment to work up the courage to wander to Jane's sleeping body. _Breathe._ My high heels make a dull clatter with each step I take toward her sleeping body. I feel the weight of my anxious thoughts dissipate as my eyes settle on Jane's peaceful face. I stand beside Jane watching the rise and fall of her chest for some time.

Jane's eyes flutter with her dreams and knowing she's content comforts me. I examine every inch of her beautiful face. _Even blemished with surface wounds and contusions, Jane is breathtaking._ I want to touch her but I don't want to disturb her peaceful slumber. I desperately want to caress the skin covering her cheeks, her forehead, her jawline. The impulse grows stronger until I can literally not take it any longer. _I love you, Jane._

Delicately, I brush Jane's hair back from her face with my fingers. Her forehead is warm and pulsating with life. The contact between our skin sends chills down my spine. _I am so glad you're alive, Jane._ A smile spreads over my lips and my head tilts to the right ever so slightly, still breathing in Jane's beauty.

A wave of exhaustion washes over my weak body and I fight the urge to climb up into bed with Jane. A chair has been positioned next to her bed and I decide to make myself comfortable. I sit on the green polyvinyl chair and rest my head on the edge of Jane's bed mattress. I cup her hand in mine and trace every crease, every line imbedded in her tan skin. I close my heavy eyes and my breathing slows. Before I realize it, I have fallen asleep.

The door of Jane's room closes loudly and I awaken startled and alert. My head, still relaxed on the edge of Jane's bed, is swimming with images of her. _What a wonderful dream_. My fingers absentmindedly stroke my lips. Someone runs their fingers through my hair lightly, causing adrenaline to sear through my veins. Instinctively, I pretend I'm asleep. The fingers twirl their way around my ponytail and make contact with my bare neck. My eyelids pinch together receptively as I process the feeling.

The soft skin of their finger, tracing lines on the back of my neck, trembles faintly. Goosebumps cover my skin and my heart pounds wildly inside of my chest. I gasp for breath, no longer able to keep my feelings at bay, and sleepily lift my head from Jane's bed. My eyes shyly trail a path up to hers. The second our eyes meet, I stand up impulsively and embrace Jane. _God, I've missed you…_

My arms cling tightly around her shoulders, one hand pressed against her curly locks. Jane wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me closer, her thumb caressing my back. I fight back tears as we hold each other in this secure embrace for a few minutes. My eyes close contently and every one of my senses are on hyper-drive.

"Jane..." Her name slips quietly out of my lips. Relief floods over me and I can no longer hold back my sobs. Our grasp tightens and I feel so safe in her arms. I could stay lost in this moment forever, but the sound of her voice pulls me back.

"Maura..." Jane whispers back soft and raspy in my ear. It feels like fireworks have been set off inside of me. My chest trembles slightly and I swallow back a thousand different emotions. With each breath, my love for Jane deepens. I wrap my fingers in her hair, losing myself a little more.

Jane loosens her hold around my waist and runs her hands slowly up and down my spine. I inhale deeply and pull myself away from her. Our eyes meet once again and hers tighten with confusion. I have to separate from her otherwise, my body will overpower my mind and that frightens me. _Steady yourself, Maura. Easy, girl!_

"How are you feeling?" I ask weakly, swallowing hard again. I honestly do care how she's feeling after her surgery. I just cannot seem to focus on anything other than her lips. Jane smiles, embedding dimples into her sun-kissed cheeks and pleasant butterflies dance around inside of my stomach. _I missed that smile…_

"I'm fine, just a little battle wound...Ma really freaked out though." Jane looks down at her lap and smoothes the thin blankets with her hands. My heart sinks a little_. I always ruin things._ I could have possibly misinterpreted her feelings toward me. _Oh no_. Blushing, I take a step back.

"I'm glad you're doing well. I should go and let you rest, Jane." I try to hide the hurt in my voice, but even I am unconvinced. _I must be wrong. No, she asked you to kiss her, Maura. Yes, but she was likely in shock. Maybe she doesn't remember._ I fake a small smile and bow my head, ready to leave.

"You can stay, Maura, if you want to." Jane keeps her eyes locked on the thin blue sheet covering her lap. _She won't even look at me. How could you be so stupid, Maura?_ Tears fall heavily from my eyes and I shake my head. I sniffle and Jane looks up at me, bewilderment etched into her features.

"I kissed you ,Jane, because you asked me to and now you can't even look at me… Why?" I breathe the words out through sobs and turn to leave. My heart aches; tired and hurt.

"Maura! Come back!" Jane shouts across the room. I can hear the desperation in her voice and I look back at her over my shoulder. Tears well up in her eyes and I almost walk out of the door. Almost. Instead, I pause and slowly digress, making my way back to Jane's side.

"What?" I breathe, defeated and exhausted. I look into the depths of her brown eyes, drinking in their undying warmth. Sobs wrack my fragile body, but I keep them silent. Hot tears flood down my cheeks and drop miserably onto Jane's hospital sheets.

"I...Maura...I want you to stay. I'm scared though..." A single tear runs down Jane's cheek and a hollow pit forms in my stomach taking the place of the pleasant butterflies. Her eyebrows press together defiantly. _Why is this such a struggle?_

"Of what?" I tentatively place my hand on the edge of her bed. _Please, don't say me. Don't be afraid of me…Please._

"My...feelings for you. Maura, I just...I don't know if I can do this...losing you scares the hell outta me." Another tear falls from her long, dark lashes. Jane holds my stare and places her hand around mine.

"Oh, Jane..." Is all I can manage to say. I want to curl up into a ball and sift through all of my feelings. _What do I possibly say to that?_ Tears continue to stream down my face as I lace my fingers with hers. Heat radiates from Jane's skin and warms my finger tips.

"Maura, I honestly don't know what I would do if I somehow lost you and that terrifies me..." Jane whispers softly, trying to keep her voice even through her tears. She shakes her head, not wanting to think of the possible scenarios.

I stare at her for a moment, contemplating and choosing my words carefully. Courage and the steady nag of my love for Jane bubble up inside of me. "Then stop pushing me away..." My voice is soft as I test the waters.

Jane pulls my hand toward her, embracing my own eyes with her Chocolate ones, and I collapse pathetically into her chest. She holds me close and we both cry wrapped intimately around each other. I have never felt like this.

"I'm sorry, Maura...I'm so sorry" Jane whispers into my ear. The passion evident in our embrace is enough to send me over the edge. I separate from her; just far enough to look into her beautiful eyes. I study their infinite depth and shake my head, dismissing her apology.

"I'm terrified of losing _you_, Jane." I mutter shakily, wiping the tears from Jane's cheeks with my thumb. Both palms pressed to her temples, I hold Jane's face between my hands. She breaks our gaze and cautiously eyes my lips. Slowly, our faces grow closer together. I swallow, scared, and look up into her eyes, blinking nervously. Jane cups my damp cheek in her palm, pulling me closer. _Finally..._

A knock on Jane's door, startles us. My breath hitches in my throat and my chest constricts with anticipationinking nervouslyrs in carefullyf my stomachifferent emotions.. Our lips were just centimeters apart. Interrupted and irritated, I turn to face the intruders at the door. Simultaneously, it is opened wide and two nurses enter the room. I scoot off of Jane's bed and she apologetically offers me her hand. I squeeze it tightly and she grips mine in response.

"Hello, Jane! How are you feeling today? Is this her? Is this the infamous Maura?" The thin, blonde nurse looks up at me and smirks knowingly. _How does she know my name?_ I notice minor swelling around her left orbital cavity masked with cover up. _She must be quite skilled with make up..._

"Yeah, this is her. Maura, uh...this is Michelle...she's the nurse I punched last night trying to get to your room..." Jane wears an embarrassed grin and her cheeks blush lightly. My heart swells and I suppress a proud smile.

**I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to update! Thank you for reading Before We Part. It means so very much to me and I LOVE to hear your comments! I will post another chapter by Wednesday!**


	13. Intoxication Damnation

**Chapter 12**

Jane has been sleeping heavily for the past 3 hours. After my awkward introduction to Nurse Michelle, the nurses administered a morphine drip to manage Jane's pain. I cannot get over the fact that she punched a woman in the face to get to me. I'm both proud and mortified. Proud because she loves me. Mortified because...she loves me.

I have been curled up in the green polyvinyl chair next to Jane's bed for the past few hours. Aside from studying my very own Sleeping Beauty's face, I have been reading medical journals. The clock perched on Jane's bedside table reads 6:23am. Sunlight peeks through the closed blinds hanging over the window, greeting me with the hope of another day. My stomach rumbles with hunger and my tired eyes long to rest. The last thing I want to do is leave Jane, but I haven't eaten a thing in the last 48 hours and I need nutrients.

After twenty minutes of intense contemplation, I decide to call a cab and arrange for it to take me home. I desperately need a hot shower and a glass of wine. _Or half the bottle._ I pace Jane's room looking for some stationary and a pen to leave her a note. The pen was easy enough to find, but stationary is nowhere to be found. I settle for a brown napkin leftover from someone's fast food meal. I feel so guilty leaving Jane a note, but for my sanity's sake, I need a moment to myself.

My hand tremors slightly as I begin writing the note:

My dearest Jane,  
I regret to inform you that I need to take a momentary leave of absence. I feel like an awful person but I do hope you understand. I promise to return to you in a maximum of 2 hours. You know how to reach me if you need anything. Perhaps you don't know what I'm talking about. You can reach me by phone, Jane. If you wake to find that I have gone, don't panic. I promise you, I will come back.  
All my love,  
Maura

I place the napkin under Jane's hand; the hand I've neglected to let go of. I run my fingers over each defined knuckle, reluctant to leave her. I glance at the clock once more and it reads 6:50am. I know this hospital well enough to give myself at least 6 minutes to meet my cab out front. Bending forward, I slip my tender feet into the high heels that lay disheveled on the floor.

I brace myself for the dull pulsating pain that I have come to expect while on my feet. Inhaling deeply, I push myself off of the chair and into a standing position. I block out the pain as best as I can. _Jane looks so peaceful and vulnerable._ I loop her curly tresses softly around my index finger. _Maura, go._ Careful not to stir her, I bend over and lightly place a kiss on her left temple.

Donning my coat, I stride to the door as silently as possible. I turn the handle and peek over my shoulder at Jane, who is still sleeping soundly. Once out of the room, I make my way down the long hallway and inside the small confines of the elevator. Doctors, residents and nurses accompany me into the small area making me claustrophobic. _I just want to go home._

I stride as confidently as I can out of the hospital doors and into the fresh autumn air. _Jane will survive without you in her room for two hours._ As if mirroring my emotions, the sky is a pale grey and the asphalt is damp from a long night of rain. I pull my coat closer around myself and wait for my cab to pull up. Minutes later, I sit in the back of a warm cab and anxiously await my arrival to my house.

I retrieve the emergency key I planted under a small rock outside of my front door. The familiar smell of lavender and honey greets me as I step inside. I bolt the door behind myself and kick my heels off. The tears I've pent up for the last few hours spill furiously down my cheeks. I tear off my coat and let it fall to the floor behind me. _I killed a man. I stabbed him. Me._

I slowly walk to the kitchen and pull the refrigerator door open. Not looking at labels, I grab the neck of the nearest wine bottle. I uncork the bottle and press the opening to my lips drawing in a long swig. The cold white wine runs down my throat and coats the emotional pain I'm feeling. _Shower time._

Leaving a trail of clothing behind me, I make my way to the bathroom, bottle in hand. I take another gulp of wine and start to feel the gentle swim of the alcohol through my veins. I turn the shower on and stand beside it sipping out of the bottle until steam covers the bathroom mirror. The hot water burns my skin, leaving it a dark shade of pink. The physical pain takes my mind off of the emotional roller coaster I can't seem to get off of.

Tears slide down my cheeks, mixing with the hot water sprinkling over my head. The heat and my hyperventilating make oxygen nearly impossible to obtain. I step out of the large shower, dripping water all over the tile floor. I grab the bottle of wine from the counter and head back into the steam. I can no longer stand so I sit on the cold tile of the shower, taking generous sips of the chilled wine.

_Why did this have to happen to me? To Jane?_ _If not for me, Jane would be healthy and at home enjoying a beer._ I lean my back against the cool tiled wall, easing the bottle to my quivering lips. _Carolina, I'm so sorry...I wish you were here with me right now. I am so sorry, my daughter. I love you so much! Please forgive me...please, Carolina._

Images of Jane and the abandoned and parentless baby girl stab at my every thought. I raise the bottle to take a hearty gulp, but it's empty. My stomach burns happily as it digests the only thing in my stomach. Images of Jane overwhelm me_. I have to get back to her beautiful face. I need to kiss her!_

I crawl out of the shower on my hands and knees and head down the hall to my bedroom. My dripping hair sticks to my warm and flushed cheeks. I manage to put undergarments on myself and slide my closet doors open. Deciding to stay away from a dress or skirt due to the chilly weather, I pull khaki slacks from their hanger. I lie down on my back and slide both of my legs into the pants. I grab a pale pink blouse and throw it over my head. _This is very difficult..._

I manage to dress myself from my bedroom floor. My hair is completely dry by the time I crawl out to the living room to pick my coat up off of the ground. I somehow maneuver myself into an upright stance and sway into the kitchen. Grabbing the handle of the refrigerator door, I wrench it open, causing its contents to shift. I choose a pear and string cheese to feast on. _Jane._

I pick up the phone and call a cab to drive me back to the hospital. My speech is slightly slurred and slow. A cab should be here in 5 minutes to take me back to Jane. I stumble over myself to get my boots on. _You can't wear heels while you're drunk, silly goose!_ A horn honks out front and I make my way to the yellow vehicle waiting for me.

The ride to the hospital is a blur of color and sounds. Scenery floats in front of my eyes, but nothing takes a definite shape. My head swims merrily with intoxication. I pay the driver and exit the taxi. Rain falls lightly all around me as I slowly make my way to the hospital doors. I make my way to the fourth floor and back to room number 417a. I open the door gladly and full of purpose.

Jane is sitting upright in her bed. Our eyes meet and an electric currency pulses steadily between us_. I have never wanted someone more._ The door closes loudly behind me, causing me to jump. A smile plays on Jane's lips, as she stifles a laugh.

"Hey, Maur, I uh...got your note. You okay?" Jane raises her eyebrows at me in interest. I close the wide gap between us and stumble over to my green polyvinyl chair. _I have to be near her!_

"I'm doing great, Jane! I feel so great...I feel like I've just been to heaven with you on the back of an Angel's wings." I grab Jane's hand and squeeze it lightly.

"Maura, have you been drinking?" Jane laces her fingers with mine and rubs my thumb with hers. My heart flutters and I smile broadly.

"I think you've been drinking, Jane! You are so pretty. Your eyes are like pools of chocolate pudding. You are perfect Jane and I love you… I love everything about you!" My heart beats hard against my ribs. I am determined for Jane to know the truth.

"Jesus, Maura! Did you drink the whole bottle?" Jane puts her other hand on top of mine. She looks apprehensive, scared even.

"I did not!" I hiccup twice and suddenly, I am very tired. Jane stares into my eyes, trying to decipher my drunkenness.

"Maura..." Jane starts, but I shake my head, causing her to pause.

"Can I lay with you up there? I'm very tired..." I mumble as my eyelids grow heavier. I feel as if cement blocks are attached to my legs and my body is drifting through a quick-flowing river.

Jane nods her head in approval. She scoots over to make room for me and I climb up. I gently throw my arm over her stomach, my open palm just above her navel. Jane holds one arm around my shoulders and one hand intertwines her fingers with mine. My head rests just under her jaw line, in the crook of her neck. I peck a line of kisses across her collar bone and nuzzle my forehead into her neck.

"I love you too, Maura." Jane holds me close to her, tangling her long fingers in my hair.

I scoot up onto a shaky elbow and stare into Jane's eyes. I blink heavy eyelids and eye her mouth, wanting to kiss her with every fiber of my being. I close my eyes and delicately place my parted lips on Jane's. Her fingers wrap themselves in my hair and she places one hand on my hip. _I have to come up for air. _I take shallow breaths between light kisses.

Jane's lips part slightly and I suck on her bottom lip softly. Our lips are still for a long time. We lay there, mouths connected, holding each other closely. I open my eyes slowly, meeting Jane's gaze. I feel her lips turn up in a smile on my own mouth. I kiss her smile gently and press my forehead to hers. Jane cups my chin, caressing it with the pad of her thumb. She tilts my head back to meet her kiss.

"I'm drunk..." I whisper into her mouth between pecks.

"I know you are." Jane meets my eyes once more and I push curly locks from her face. I close my eyes once again and am fast asleep.

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think! I look forward to reading your reviews and messages! I'd love to hear your opinion, so don't be shy. Again, I hope you like it!**


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